Announcement: Little Billy's Homecoming Concert

Hey morons!
It is me, Little Billy! Yeah, that's right, jerks! I may have been off the scene for awhile, but I ain't dead yet, m*therf*ck*rs! For your information, I have been traveling the world playin' rock concerts and makin' a name for myself outside of this lame-*ss town! Huh? What? There's a whole 'nother world outside of Sunlit F*ck*n Falls? Yeah, it's called EARTH, get a map! And I have been taking it by storm. I bet you didn't know that I have appeared on the Croatian Jay Leno twice!

But, I am not here to brag. I think the Bangladesh version of In Touch Weekly has done enough of that for me. I am here to plug my gig at Sgt. Peppermint's on the 15th of the month! Me and my band, the Rolling Rock Trio, will be hittin' the stage around 11:30. Before that, warm-up band, Say Cheese, will play a short set. I like Say Cheese. They play what I like to call "popular music." It's gonna be a f*ck*in' good show, so don't miss it!

Why am I gracing this sh*t town with my glorious self now, after all these years? Take a guess. If you said, "the price was right," YOU were right! That's all I'm gonna say about that! Other than the money, I am NOT happy to be coming back to this p*ssy-*ss sh*t-h*l* of a town. You people treated my like sh*t when I was workin' the local club circuit and I haven't forgotten the nasty things written about me, my band, and my music in the Sunlit Pages several years back. I believe they called me a "watered-down Stevie Ray Vaughn" and said I sounded like "feeding time at a nerd farm." I still don't know what that's s'posed to mean.

But that's okay. They say plenty of good things about me in the Guatemalan version of Blender. And how many of YOU idiots have been interviewed by the Indonesian Larry King? What's that? None of you? That's what I thought!

But, anyway. I'm sick of looking at you folks, so I will just go. But not before telling you that you better buy tickets for that show, or you will be even dumber than you already are.

-Little Billy