Review: Eating Vegan in Sunlit Falls

Hello!
I'm Tom Dayton and I love food. More specifically, vegan food. What the heck is that, you ask? Well, if you don't know, you probably don't want any. But let me tell you, it's tough to find good vegan food in this town. Here's a handy guide for those of you who are like "arhg! help me!"

RUSTY'S DELI
Rusty's is famous for their meatwiches and mustard bar, but did you know they also serve the best tofu salad known to man? It's not on the menu, but if you bring in your own thing of tofu, they will cube it, sprinkle it with fresh basil, and toss it into their garden salad at no extra charge. I'm the only one who has ever done it and I am not well liked.

THE OLD MULE FAMILY GRILL
I know what you're thinking. "This place is only for senior citizens and/or Christian Bible study groups!" You are right, but you are also wrong. If you just get over your fear of being called a queer and order the vegetable soup platter from the kid's menu, you will be treated to a pretty okay cruelty-free meal. And at $7.95, the price is cruelty-free on your pocket book!

CAP'N VEGGIE'S VEGAN'S PARADISE ALL-VEGAN CAFE AND HANG-OUT CLUBHOUSE
I don't care for this place. I find the staff to be a little hippy-dippy. Avoid.

SAUCE
Simply put, the best veggie burger in town. Just remember to order it sans patty and hold the cheese. Then, once you scrape of the dijionaisse, you got yourself a pretty good little sandwich. I'm not entirely convinced that the bread is vegan, but I've adopted a don't ask/don't tell policy on the matter.

So, there you go. With my helpful guide, there are no more excuses to eat well AND responsibly in good ol' S. Falls. Happy dining!
-Tom