Intro: The Sorting Machine

The sorting machine is down. All hell has broken loose. Stay tuned.

News: The City Is Ablaze

The entire city of Sunlit Falls is on fire. Residents are advised to do their part to put it out. Water is good for that. Do not blow on the flames. That's all I got.

Announcement: Karen Stevens Art Show

Hello Art Lovers,
This is Karen Stevens with an exciting announcement! I am proud to announce the opening of my art opening at Chrissy's Coffeeshop and Hair Salon on Roger St at 20th! I will be showing new works on paper. Above you will see one of my works, entitled "Goodbye Angel of the People."
The opening is this Saturday at 6:30. There will be treats provided by Chrissy's.
Hope to see you all there!
-Karen

Feature: A Word from the Mayor

Hello,
This is your Mayor, Jackie F. Gustafson. First off, Happy New Year! Secondively, there are lots of new governmental things going into affect as of now. Or is it "effect?" Help me out here. That's one of those things my spellcheck doesn't catch. Blah, blah, blah. Back to the newsletter. Oh, by the way, this is the first monthly newsletter! I'm trying to come up with a name for it. What do you think of The Sunlit Falls Splash Page? No? Yes? Well, I like it. That's what I'm gonna call it.
So, here are some changes to public policy that may or may not aeffect you:
1. Recycling day is now Tuesday. Also, we no longer recycle diapers. Apparently, it's just not worth it.
2. The speed limit is back up to 55 mph. Every street is 55. This is sort of an experiment.
3. Cigarette tax is doubled. No tripled!
4. From now on, call me J-to-the-G.
5. Christmas is doubled. We'll figure out what that means when the time comes.
6. Oh, there's lots more. I am just getting bored and I want to stop.

So, in closing, I'm your mayor! See you later.
J-to-the-G.

Intro: 2006

Happy New Years Everyones!
Greetings! I am the Year of 2006! Let me tell you a little bit about myself.
I am 3 days old, but that's old in year years. That's even older than puppy years, but not quite as old as certain insects. Did you know the average life span of the average insect is less than 1 year? Check out this site and learn!
A Moment of Science
Anyway, I, myself, have a life expectancy of exactly 1 solid year. I take in that info as a blessing. I know that I will die at exactly the midnight that divides Dec 31, me, and Jan 1, 2007. Ryan Seacrest will be there to lower me into the ground. I will find him to be pleasant and only slightly off-putting.
What will I do with my life? Wouldn't you like to know? I can't tell you any specifics, but I can tell you this:
The Sun will spin around us, or vice-versa.
The oceans will swirl like crazy-time city.
Folks'll die. Famous folks, too!
More folks'll be born. Just like me!
Things will be invented that will make our lives way easier.
New versions of things will be unveiled that will make their older counterparts look clunky and lame-o-matic.
Dentist appointments will be spaced.
I will age rapidly. Don't make fun of me.
Lots of sex will be achieved.
Cars will be painted, some will explode.
TV will be better than ever. I will watch every single show.
Blogging will be on everybody's "hot" list.
Food, both hot and cold, will be eaten, served, and evacuated.

Are you getting pumped yet? Pumped for me? I is.
-2006